Going forward, the wife and I are committed to each other, and committed to getting through this together.
She already misses my scruff. The stubble that has plagued me ever since facial hair sprouted. I have NEVER liked any of the hair I got at puberty. I detest body hair. I hate facial hair. My skin does not take well to shaving, and the damn hair grows so fast. I would usually shave just once a week for convenience and reducing blood loss. I will never look rugged again for my wife. Sorry dear.
I finished this poem today, and had started it the day after my epiphany.
I’m Sorry
I’m so sorry my love,
That I can’t share in your grief.
I’m so sorry my love,
That I’m happy beyond belief.
I’m so sorry my love,
That my being me is causing you pain.
I’m so sorry my love,
That I’ve found my comfort, is plain.
I’m so sorry my love,
To put us through this process.
I’m so sorry my love,
But we’ll get through this.
– Jessica Ann
I find myself wanting to apologize a lot lately. I know it isn’t my fault that I’m this way. But it is, at least partly, my fault that I was not honest with myself (and thus others) earlier. It is a lot to put a spouse through.
We do have several things in our favour. Jessica has been known to Teresa from the start, even if it wasn’t with our current understanding of me. Teresa has found Jessica to be attractive. Teresa has been my biggest supporter through our 10 years together. We are both strong. We are both stubborn. We are both very much in love with each other.
The future holds many difficult times ahead for us. The hormones that I’ll be taking will essentially trigger a 2nd puberty for me, much different than the last one I had. Puberty is a time of upheaval, and it won’t be any different this time around. I’ve been told I’ll be grounded if I get too ‘teenage girl’ on her. 🙂
There have been some interesting self realizations I’ve had today. Realizing that I’m a lesbian was one of them. That may change with the hormones, but for now, it’s an odd feeling to realize I’m not heterosexual. It also did not take me long at all to think about myself as a woman. Once everything clicked, this was pretty much second nature, yet, it’s still interesting to realize I’ve been doing it all week.
Anyway, I just wanted to get something written tonight. Will do more this weekend.
Cheers,
– Jessica
I love this… however I sometimes have to balance this attitude against the other idea that people generally love others for who they are and not how they look — so how can a spouse say that they refuse to be with a person once they come out as trans… but I know from experience that it's not that simple for some people!