12 – an amazing wife

My wife, Teresa is an amazing woman. She doesn’t see it but everyone else does.

Her support for Jessica over the last 10 years has helped me cope and make it this far. Now, even when she needs so much support herself, she still finds it in her to hold me while I have one of my cries (over the feeling of disappointing my loved ones).

I still remember the early days of shopping for Jessica with Teresa. She’d say stuff out loud like, “do you think Jessica would look good in this?” Invariably I’d say, “god no!” Her taste for Jessica at that time was as bad as mine. Lol. The browsing would be very much akin to me following Teresa around like a lost and very shy puppy. I had zero confidence. She’d hold stuff up to me and my mind would be shrieking at me, “don’t let anyone see!!”

There was a reason behind her actions though. Exposure therapy. It eventually helped. I got comfortable shopping for myself, to a certain extent anyway.

Teresa was always trying to get me to go out on Hallowe’en. After all, we’d paid good money for a lot of my clothes, and I rarely got to wear them, let alone go out in them. Yet, when it actually came to going out on those days, we’d often chicken out, and just spend the night at home. There was the occasional time we’d manage to get out the door though, and those times were like gold to me. It wasn’t until quite a bit later, I realized just how much of a struggle it was for Teresa to go out with me.

My wife worries about me a great deal. Mostly about my safety when going out as Jessica. Whether it be physical, or emotional harm, she wants to protect me from it. Which, for her, meant avoiding going out at all because that was the best way to protect me. (Echoes of my own protection of self – lock me away and I can’t get hurt).

Since discovering who I am, and shortly before that, when I was kind of ‘out’, I was wanting to go out all the time. Not realizing how hard this was on Teresa. Her anxiety would spike every time. But, she got through it enough to let me out. I love her so much for that. It was my turn to use exposure therapy on her. I’ve been going out 3 to 4 times a week for the last month and a half, and even once by myself. That last one was just as big a step for me, as it was for her. We made it through.

I appreciate her worry for me, it shows great caring. I need to be more respectful of it, and realize it’s not the same as what I did to myself. She’ll just have to come around by the time I start living full time as Jessica. 🙂

Love you bunny,

– Jessica