Jessica is like an extreme example of don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
Lucky for me I’ve always know about James’ female side. I’m not sure I ever expected that that side would be coming out full time and that I’d lose who I thought she was: James.
We’ve been together 10 years and I have faith we will be together for many, many more.The last couple months have been quite the emotional roller coaster. Watching someone Transition, whom you love as much as I love James, is like watching someone die slowly and you don’t know how much time you have left.
I understand that the core of who James is, is Jessica, and other than some major landscaping changes, she will always be the man I married. She will just be better, still caring, loving, considerate, cuddly, but less reserved, less closed off and a lot more out there. Which at times will be very overwhelming and scary for me because I’m a protective momma bear who wants to keep her safe from the world. Plus, being out there feels very unfamiliar and exposed, vulnerable and terrifying.
Socializing and being ‘seen’ sets off so many layers of anxiety and it takes a lot to step out. But I choose to, because I know it’s what she needs to help her with her journey and the exposure therapy for me doesn’t hurt. As Jessica learns how to feel right and comfortable in her own skin, I feel I will also learn how to be just as open and vulnerable as she is and I know that I/we will be the better for it.
I’ve had several people express their concern for me. Their understandable difficulty in understanding how in the hell is this going to work and ‘you’re not a lesbian’ and I’ve tried explaining it. But another good friend said I don’t need too. So I’ll just say, ‘it’s how I feel and I can’t explain it but that’s ok because I’m happy’. I’m with the person I’m meant to be with and that’s all that matters to me. Like any “normal” relationship it isn’t always going to be easy and nothing is guaranteed but yet we still have faith that it’ll last forever and a day!!!
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when I close me eyes…
she kisses like the man i married
she hugs like the man i married
she cuddles like the man i married
she loves like the man i married
she hugs like the man i married
she cuddles like the man i married
she loves like the man i married
and
when I look into her eyes….I see the woman I was meant to marry
– Teresa