The question a lot of transgender women are asked, usually by those who aren’t familiar with transgender issues at all, is a form of this:
What about being a male prevents you from doing that which being a woman allows for?
Or
Why can’t you just be a feminine male? (more bluntly)
This question comes out of not understanding that it isn’t about doing anything. It is about being. The simplest answer to the question is, I can’t be a female as a male. It is how we perceive ourselves – we are female. Our ‘anatomically male’ bodies are at odds with that. So, we have the ability to alter our physical selves to attain harmony throughout. For each transgender woman it will differ as to how much altering is necessary to achieve that harmony and peace with oneself.
It certainly would be easier to just be a feminine male. But it’s not about easy, it’s about being true to yourself. Being authentic. Part of being authentic, and feeling so, is being perceived and interacted with as your true self. As a male, that is impossible for me. As a female, it’s the most natural thing in the world. Everyone who has seen me in the last week and a half can attest to how much more natural I seem, and at ease I am. It is still an effort for me to achieve this state. In a year from now, that effort will be much diminished. I can’t say, yet, whether it will ever go away completely, but that is my goal.
The switch that went on when I had my moment of self realization, was like turning a light on in a once dark room. Instead of blindly flinging my way around the room, stumbling, and stubbing my toes on hidden obstacles, I now can walk confidently across that room, elegantly avoiding the pitfalls and outcroppings that would hurt or hinder me before, head held high. That is the difference between authentic, and not, for me.
As I mentioned in post #26, I made no decision to transition. I did make one as to when to start though, and that was with my first laser hair removal session. The path of transition varies in length from person to person. I also think the length of the path will change as I go along, and take this fork or that. (“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Bera) My estimate is about a year before I start changing my name and sex designation.
It used to be required to live in your chosen gender role for a period of time before starting any alterations to your body. That has changed in recent years, at least in British Columbia. To start hormones, you basically need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, and give “informed consent”. Informed consent is basically making sure you are aware of anything that could possibly happen to you while taking these drugs. The drugs in question are an estrogen (a patch form is recommended for us over 40 years of age), an anti-androgen, and sometimes a progesterone.
Surgeries are all at least a year off. Breast augmentation is recommended to be held off until after a year of hormones, but it’s not a strict requirement. Orchiectomy (gonad removal) requires a year of hormones before being an option. It would then reduce the amount of drugs a transgender woman would have to take (no more anti-androgens, and reduced estrogen). Finally, gender affirming surgery (also called Gender Reassignment Surgery – GRS or Sex Reassignment Surgery – SRS) is the last step and can include the orchiectomy if not already performed. Those are the 3 surgeries covered by medical currently in BC. There are other surgeries, such as a tracheal shave, vocal chord tightening and facial feminization which can be quite expensive as they are still considered completely cosmetic.
Not every transgender woman will have all these surgeries, some opt for one, or none. Every person is different, trans or otherwise. We are all individuals. I have discussed with Teresa my current plans, and have also discussed them with close friends and some family. I’m reluctant to be open about what’s been discussed because it may change. I will say I have no interest in the facial feminization, or tracheal shave. If Sandra Bullock can have an Adam’s apple, so can I. And I think if I’m not 100% there yet, I’m pretty close to passing. I also have no intention of having surgery on my vocal chords, I’d rather not sound like Alvin the Chipmunk. 🙂
So, in the end it comes down to needing to be true to one’s self. To be authentic. To be in harmony, and at peace.
– Jess