This week I’ve gone back to work after a wonderful period of 12 days (24/7) of being wonderfully feminine and as close to female as I can currently get.
Work involves me being ‘James’ for the time being. Teresa has suggested I get co-workers to start calling me Jess (as it could be seen as ambiguous). I’m a bit torn on the idea. On one hand, it’s the name I want to use for the rest of my life. On the other, do I really want to associate that name with a male/masculine presentation?
If I didn’t work in a physical job, I most likely would have just stayed in a female role. Even with all the shaving, it was so absolutely comfortable. That’s probably the best way to describe it: comfort. But I do work in a physical job, landscaping. And the thought of wearing certain prosthetics, coupled with me feeling I still need to wear makeup to cover stubble at the very least, makes that idea more horrid than the duality I chose.
Which leads me to being uncomfortable not being in a female role. There’s familiarity for sure, but it is not who I really am. I didn’t shave yesterday (first time I skipped a day in over 2 weeks) and I regretted it today. Seeing and feeling the stubble was definitely making me uncomfortable. I can’t say I’m unhappy – everything is going very well, still waiting for a date for a doctor’s appointment, but other than that I really am happy.
It’s more just coping with the day to day. I can foresee days where it will drag on me (pun intended of course) but I’ll have evenings and weekends to help me recoup. And Teresa helps a great deal. I hope I’m just as helpful in return. Even if I do still leave some clothes beside the bed on the floor. 😉
Will continue this theme about Duality as I go through the year.
– Jess