32 – A Mother’s Perspective – By Mom

I don’t think a
mother can ever be prepared to be told that her son is really her
daughter. And yet, the news was more of a surprise than a shock.
Perhaps I had been partially prepared by a discussion that had taken
place some years before, or maybe it was just trust in my child.

Still, how does a
mother accept the loss of the son she has known for over 42 years?
Given that that son has now become a daughter – and realizing that
they are the same person inside, only so much happier and at peace
now – makes it so much easier. All a parent really wants for their
child is for them to be happy.

There are,
decidedly, some adjustments to make. I am getting better with the
name change, but still really struggle with the pronouns. Sounds
silly, but habits of four decades are hard to break and I do want
Jessica to feel and understand that I fully accept her choice –
using the correct name and pronouns are one way of demonstrating that
acceptance. In time, it will be automatic but for now I try, but
make more than the odd mistake. Apologies for that, Jessica.

And I haven’t
quite figured out how I will enter this in the family tree yet. 🙂

I am very grateful
that she had the insight to realize who she really was, the courage
to proclaim that to the world and for the largely positive response
she has had from friends and family. There is an obvious increase in
her happiness and ease that is a pleasure to see. I’m not sure I
will ever fully understand the thoughts and emotions that James went
through on his way to becoming Jessica, but I don’t feel that I
really need to. All I need to know is that this is still my child
and, therefore, very much loved whether James or Jessica. Although…
I still think I should have had a part in the choice of a new name,
parental rights and all. 🙂 How does Hannah sound?

I am also very
grateful that she has such a devoted and loving partner in Teresa. I
am not sure she could have gotten to this point without that love and
support, and it will make such a huge difference going forward for
both of them.

There will,
undoubtedly, be challenges as the transition progresses. But I am
confident that they will be faced within a framework of love, trust
and, perhaps, even humour.