Trigger Warning: This may be Too Much Info about me for some people. Read with caution.
Ok, so I knew there was a chance this was going to happen. Was actually kinda hoping it would happen, cuz, well, I like new things, and change. And yet, I was also thinking I might be in the 60 or so percent that it doesn’t happen to.
Then, the first time it happened, it was like, huh. Interesting. And then not much on that front for a while. Spent a while thinking about it, and what it meant, and how it made me feel. Then just kind of shrugged it off after telling a few friends about it and having a giggle.
So, last night, had it happen again.
What the hell am I talking about? Attraction to males.
So, umm, yeah. I guess I’m not strictly a lesbian anymore. 🙂
Ok, so first time was an actor in a TV show. Nick Blood who plays Lance Hunter on Agents of SHIELD. I was on our recumbent bike doing some cardio, and watching SHIELD. This is nothing new. The new part happened when I saw Hunter with his shirt off. It wasn’t like I lusted after the image, it was more subtle than that. Like a wave of nerves went off across my whole body, followed by a warm pleasant feeling.
My first thought was, that was odd. Then I was thinking was it hormone related? Then I looked at the TV again, and repeat. So, yeah, it was hormone related, but not in the way I thought it might be. lol. I still had doubts that it was in fact attraction. But it sure seemed like it.
Second time wasn’t someone on TV. Just simply the waiter we had last night at White Spot. I almost feel ridiculous saying this, but he was soooo cute. Kept thinking about him the rest of the night, and a lot of today. And what he should be doing to me, and I him. *blush* And then I had to text a few people close to me about it. *sigh*
Teresa didn’t even really notice him. Guess the two really cute women at the table with her were distracting enough. 😉
So, how do I feel about it? I like it. I was always worried about being attracted to males prior to transition. But after accepting myself, like a lot of things, I just said, meh, let’s find out who I really am. Screw all the stuff that was there from fear, or denial, or self loathing. Throw all that away. Rediscover myself. I’m a work in progress. But I hope to always be making progress.
Welcome to being a teenage girl, Jess. 😉