69 – I am woman…

…hear me roar. Or something like that.

I’ve heard some things third hand that make me feel like ranting a bit. So, here goes.

I am a woman. Period. (pardon the inappropriate pun)

It doesn’t matter how I dress, how I talk, how I act; I am a woman. It doesn’t matter that I have big hands and feet, that I’m very tall, wear wigs, shave my face every morning; I am a woman. I could put zero effort into passing and it would not change that a bit.

I do not do anything to be ‘more’ of a woman.

I don’t shave my legs because society says women shave their legs. I shave them because I love how it feels.

I wear pretty clothes and have a hard time dressing casual because it’s how I am. Not because I have some screwed up notion of what a woman is supposed to look like. This is how I want to look.

I wear makeup because I like how I look with it. I’ve gone out without makeup, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t feel less a woman when doing that.

I am not a stereotype. I don’t ascribe to stereotypes. I happen to like some of the things that are often stereotypically associated with femininity. I also like a lot of things that are stereotypically associated with masculinity.

Realizing that my likes and dislikes don’t define my gender identity was a breakthrough I had when I figured myself out. It is how I feel and see myself that defines my gender identity.

I bring all this up because I have made some comments about a couple things in the last few months and that has generated some negative responses.

Firstly is an experience I want to have of feeling small, vulnerable, and protected by a big, strong, stoic man. I don’t want this experience so that I somehow feel more complete, or to feel womanly. As I said, I am a woman. It’s just an experience I’ve never had, and it sounds really nice to me. Comforting.

The other thing that has generated flack is that I am happy to be losing some upper body musculature. Apparently this statement has been misconstrued as me saying I’m happy to be weak because it’s more womanly. Which is bullshit. I haven’t actually lost much strength at all. Just bulk. I never had a lot of upper body strength in my muscles, all my upper body strength comes from leverage (long limbs). I joke about it at times as being weaker. It’s a joke. Physically I may have lost a tiny bit of strength – I can live with that – it’s not something I ever desired though. Losing muscle mass on the other hand, I am very happy with, and would even appreciate a bit more if it happens.

Do keep in mind all of this is how I feel. I do not have a messed up version of what it means to be a woman. I am me, and will continue to be so. I am stronger than I have ever been in my entire life, and each day I get a little stronger still. Feel free to disagree with me. Feel free to argue with me. I don’t have any problem debating anything I say, ever. I will even admit when I’m wrong about something. But please take it up with me, and not so that I hear about things 3rd and 4th hand.