So, last night I went to my 25 year high school reunion.
I’ve had a lot of people ask if I was, or assume I was nervous about the whole thing. I was, but not for the reason most people would think. The vast majority of my grad peers are supportive and accepting of me already. I had come out to as many of them as I had contact information for. So, that wasn’t an issue. I also was fairly certain, anyone that did not know about my transition, would have been ok with me anyway. Our grad class is just like that. 25 years on, and we almost all still stay in touch. It is awesome.
What I was nervous about, was how I would handle being misgendered, and reminiscing, and remembering times from that part of my life. After all, there were going to be people there that hadn’t interacted with me in person since I began transition, and there was going to be alcohol which would probably increase the number of slip ups.
I don’t remember how many times I got called James, or how many times I was referred to as he/him. And it doesn’t matter, because it didn’t bother me in the least. These were and are my friends. There was zero ill intent behind any of it. If anything, they were enthusiastic to talk with me, and reminisce.
And that’s where things went weird for me. It was the memories that I was most nervous about. I figured I’d be good with the misgendering because I am very forgiving of friends and family that do it. It’s when complete strangers do it to me that it’s a problem.
When people started bringing up the past, my memories were rewriting themselves in real time. I was picturing everything as if I’d been Jessica my entire life. Sometimes those memories made no sense, like seeing myself as Jessica on the boys basketball team. But that is really how I was seeing it, in my mind. I had heard from a friend that this is something that happens in transition. Our brain works to make our life seem coherent to us. It reworks memories so that we see ourselves as we view our true selves. It has to do with our self image, and the way that works in the brain. I figured it’d happen at some point, but I was not expecting to actually be witness to it happening in real time.
Besides the coolness of memory rewrites, the rest of the evening was spectacular. Of course there was not enough time to talk to everyone. There never is, but this is the first of the 3 reunions where I wanted to talk to practically everyone there. I talked almost non stop for 6 or 7 hours. By the end, my throat and my voice were shot. But I was on such an emotional high. The food was incredible as well. There was plate after plate of amuse bouches, meat platters, fruit platters, and then dessert.
I had a few drinks, but I really didn’t need anything to loosen my tongue. The conversations I had were better than I expected.
The stand-out conversations and events were:
one friend, who had no foreknowledge of my transition, chatting with me about about his niece who transitioned.
another friend chatting about seeing a friend of mine perform slam poetry.
a brilliant conversation with my LAPD friend.
one of my best friends from high school getting in cab and heading off to the casino to play poker.
that same friend earlier, saying too bad I didn’t know in high school, I would have dominated the girls’ sports teams. To which, I said, I did pretty damn good on the boys’ teams for a girl.
getting bought a drink by a guy for the first time ever.
hearing that some people were asking who the tall woman was, because they couldn’t remember any girls that tall in school.
getting a lot of hugs.
being told by one peer how much he admired me and respected me, even though he didn’t really remember me from high school. It was so genuine, I almost cried. I’m hoping to chat more with him.
and just overall the feeling of being accepted. It’s one thing to have it in writing from everyone, but to be in a room with 40-odd people and not feeling the slightest bit out of place, in fact, feeling a greater sense of belonging to this group of people than I ever have in the last 25-28 years.
Cheers to all of NSSS class of 1990. Love you all, and thank you.
Jess