Relationships. As some readers are aware, I am non-monogamous. In another post soon, I’ll go over how that has evolved over the last few years. I’ve moved away from identifying as Polyamorous, and now identify strongly with Relationship Anarchy (relationships without predefined expectations).
Melissa and I are still in an extremely committed relationship. I don’t see our bond changing at all, except maybe growing stronger with time. And, as much as she fulfills so many of my needs, she can not fill all of them. Nor can I do this for her. I should note, that she is also non-monogamous.
Having said all that in preface, I am happy to announce that I have entered another partnership.
About 3 months ago, I started up my OK Cupid profile again. I had not used it in a couple years. Dating as a trans woman is full of disappointment and frustration, and that was how I had left my profile. So, it was interesting to go back, and see how things were.
The hardest parts about dating as a trans woman, is being objectified, fetishized, or just plain loathed. If you are searching for a femme identified person it’s not *as* hard, but trying to find a masculine identified person can be fraught with ugliness. I found, for me, that it was much worse before surgery than after. Having what society deems as ‘correct’ genitals removes one type of problematic audience.
The target of my search was someone with masculine energy. I was looking for anyone that would fit that. Non-binary, intersex, trans, cis didn’t matter to me, nor their genitals. I just was craving that kind of energy; for a few reasons. I’d never been with a partner like that, and I was really wanting to explore that side of myself.
I met a couple people in coffee shops – every one that I met, was a cisgender male, and most of them identified as heterosexual. It wasn’t a horrible experience this time around. I genuinely felt comfortable dating. I still had anxieties of course, but that is pretty normal for dating, period.
The one that I finally wound up having chemistry with, I met in early May. We connected on a few levels, and chatted for at least an hour at first contact. We quickly planned an in-person meeting, deciding on Thai food near where he lives. Upon arriving, we found the place was closed on Tuesdays – the day we decided to meet. After googling a bit, we found another Thai place, not too far, and chose to meet there.
We had a nice dinner (food was pretty decent), and seemed to have no problem with conversation. We talked until closing. I then offered to drive him home, and wound up visiting with him further at his place. My initial plan was not to do that, but after dinner, I felt very comfortable, and I trust my gut when it comes to people. We just chatted until I finally had to head home. There was a quick kiss goodnight as well.
Since that point, we’ve seen each other several times. We get along really well, and have a ton of stuff in common. There’s still some stuff we need to talk about (nothing serious, but I keep meaning to bring some things up and keep forgetting). This has become more than an experience, which was what I was originally looking for. I had hoped for something more than just the experience, but would have been content with that.
I don’t find myself being as awkward in this scenario as I felt I might. We’ve taken things slowly, and he has allowed me to explore things at my own timing. There are a few firsts in this for me, and I wanted to go at a pace where I could fully allow myself to experience and process everything.
Going in to transition, I never thought that I would wind up in a straight relationship AND a lesbian relationship- and yet, here I am. And happy about it.
#pansexual #bisexual