29 – My Parents

My Mother is my female idol. I am a strong woman now because of what I grew up seeing in my Mom. She gave up custody of me to my Dad so that I would have a stable and supported upbringing. He was employed, at a government job. He’d have the means to protect me. I’ve spent a lot of my life not wanting to think about her giving me up. Obviously it affected me, but as I’m sure you’ve read, I’m good at ignoring things about myself.

I would view her decision now, at this point in my life, as a huge sacrifice. Something that took a lot of strength and courage. I’m sure I haven’t always viewed it this way. But knowing my Mom as I do now, I know it wasn’t because she didn’t love me, or didn’t want me. It was because she loved me that she did it.

My Mom married again when I was 8, and wound up having my 1.5 siblings (3 half siblings). I do not consider them half siblings in reality, they are my brother, and sister and sister. She became estranged from this husband around the time they were building a house. She wound up being the one who finished the house construction (coordinating the contractors) and then raised my 3 siblings by herself from that point. During this time, she was working towards attaining her Certified General Accountant’s designation. Once she achieved her CGA she then had her job taken out from under her. Undeterred, she found a better job (even if it has some quirks).

I have a lot in common with my Mom – we both love purple, have a common love of British comedy, and British rock/pop music, and I’d say we both have eclectic tastes in fashion. 🙂

Other than my wife, my Mom is the strongest woman I know. I hope I can make her proud as a strong daughter.

My Dad is my male idol. I was able to make it to where I am now because of him. Without his guidance, I surely would have failed at blending in so well as a boy, and later as a man. He did what any Dad should be expected to do, raised his son. And raised him well. I learned to camp, hike, appreciate the outdoors, excel at sports, excel intellectually, treat others with respect, and I learned to love to argue.

I am a stubborn person. As is my Dad. We have spent many many hours arguing. Sometimes we argue, and we’re on the same side of the argument. I take responsibility for those arguments. I have an ability to see pretty much all sides to argument. I also love language, and sometimes, use it atypically when arguing, often starting my debate with a negative position (contrary to my actual position). My Dad has a tendency to hear the first few words of an argument, and assume the rest of your premise was following suit without listening. I knew he did this, and yet I still argued in a way that made that an issue. As I said, stubborn. 🙂

When it came down to the point where my Dad discovered my crossdressing, he did not react negatively. He was already angry because he thought I was having sex at age 14. That is understandable. He was not angry because I was wearing women’s clothing. Sure, it was uncomfortable when I finally admitted the clothing was mine, but it really wasn’t negativity. There was no, “don’t do it ever again.” 28 years ago, there was not a lot of information about transgender behaviours. Hell, the term didn’t even exist I don’t think. I’ve heard so many horror stories about other transgender people’s parents’ reactions. And my Dad’s reaction just makes me love him that much more.

I’m pretty sure I made my Dad proud as the boy, man and son I was. I hope, now, I can make him proud of me as the woman and daughter I am.

So, to both my parents – I say that I love you, respect you, and honour you. I am happy to be where I am in life, and I have you both to thank for that. So, thank you!

Much love,

Jess