Tonight Teresa and I went to my cousin’s house for a pot-luck Christmas dinner.
Half the guests were family (Mom’s side), and half were friends of my cousin and her husband. It was an interesting mix. Guests with small children occupied the family room, while everyone else congregated in the dining room and kitchen area. Children on the other hand, were everywhere. Chaotic in their movements, and with discord ringing loudly in everyone’s ears.
This was the first time seeing me for a lot of family members. I felt as confident as I have been feeling lately, which is to say, very. Yet, for some reason, that faded a bit once inside; not greatly, but noticeably. The first family member I saw, was my Grandma. Her reaction felt good. Then my cousin’s husband appeared, and after I awkwardly rearranged the box I was carrying, gave me a hug. That put me more at ease.
More family members appeared, all greeted me with smiles, and no visible signs of any distress. I felt accepted. Moreover, not one of my cousin’s friends gave me any kind of untoward look. But, possibly due to the number of children present (and my recent emotions with the infertility thing), I withdrew a bit, and wasn’t as outgoing as I have been. I tried to be talkative, but I was being self conscious of my voice, so didn’t start many conversations.
It was a good night though. Food was great, I had fun, I smiled a lot, I laughed. I got some compliments from a couple of my cousins.
– Jess