Self Centred: Totally preoccupied with one’s own concerns.
Irony: Incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is, or a situation or result showing such incongruity.
This is an ironic blog post about being self centred.
It has become apparent to me that I’ve been somewhat, if not wholly, self centred the last few months. Hopefully not all of you have noticed this, but some of you have, and I certainly have. It’s hard to miss it when all I think about is myself. *smirk*
So much is happening in my life right now, and a lot of it involves me. I feel an intense need to share this to family, friends, strangers, the world, cats, plankton, birds, the clouds, etc… And I’m also at a fragile point in my life where my emotions are rawer than they’ve ever been before, and I find myself needing to ask for support and comfort from all those people I’m telling my story to.
I was taught long ago to relate to people in conversation by telling similar anecdotes that have happened to me. This unfortunately has the effect of making it about me, instead of about them. I’ve been forgetting to ask how other people are doing. Forgetting to ask questions about what’s going on in their lives. It’s not that I’m not interested, I am. It’s more that my mind is so full of what’s going on to me and inside of me, I’m forgetting this basic stuff.
I feel I have good reason to be, at least a little, self centred lately. The me that I am now, has not had the chance to express herself or be the centre of attention essentially since I was 8 years old. That’s 34 years to make up for. 34 years is a long time for an extrovert to pretend she’s a he and an introvert. I love all the attention I’ve garnered lately. I’ve mentioned numerously I’m very appreciative of it, and I really mean that.
I am worried that the craving of attention won’t die down. I want to just feel normal, and right. This is as much a mental transition as it is emotional and physical. I am somewhat in control of the transition, at least until I start hormones, then I think they’ll largely be in control. lol.
Is it good that I can see it in myself, or does that make it worse, because I, seemingly, haven’t done anything about it? That latter part changes today. Today I try being more outwardly focused, at least a little bit. Baby steps after all.
I’d ask for feedback, but that’d be self centred. 😉
– Jess