** caution – this may include spoilers for Inside Out **
So, we went and saw Inside Out tonight. Good movie, well written, well voiced. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I can say I enjoyed the event.
I have never cried that much at a movie. Ever. I’ve never been triggered by so many things all at once. Ever. Totally broke through my resolve, where I had been pretty much untriggerable for the last month. Then again, I was already weakened a bit by events over the last couple days.
The movie started, as all Pixar movies do, with a short. It was sad, but ended happy, and didn’t really trigger anything in me. Got a tiny bit weepy, but I judge that as normal based on content.
Then the feature started. Within minutes I was having a hard time holding back tears. The story begins showing us the childhood of the main character, Riley. Who is a girl growing up in Minnesota, and she plays hockey. That was what started it for me. This is the childhood I dream about.
The movie also revolves around memories. Happy, sad, disgusted, angry, and afraid. And eventually combinations of them. Core memories are what build personality. The whole concept of the memories was triggering to me. I have large chunks of my memories that are missing, between the ages of 4 to 8. To see a scene where old memories dissolve into dust hurt. A LOT.
Riley’s core memories at the start are: Friendship, Family, Hockey, Honesty, and Goofball. I can relate to that. I can also relate to losing hockey when it crumbled and fell into the pit of forgetting. Another big trigger for me. Losing hockey has been tough on me. Most times, I put it out of my mind. But it’s still there. In a wicker basket on a shelf. The lid opened during this movie.
Usually seeing 2 parents together with their child doesn’t trigger me. Today it did. Probably because I was relating to Riley so much. Another part of childhood I wish I’d had. (Not that I regret for one second the parents I have, or the way I was raised!)
I was also triggered by how sadness worked in the movie. How integral she is to a healthy emotional state, yet how quickly that can turn to unhealthy if left unchecked. When she started touching all the memories and turning them sad, it resonated with me in how in certain dark moods, I do the same thing to my own memories. Turning happy to sad. I go out of my way to do it. “I couldn’t stop myself,” – Sadness.
There were more triggers, but those were the main, big ones. I don’t think I have cried this much in one day ever. The stuff before, coupled with the movie, added to by writing this blog… So many tears.
I did LIKE the movie. I just don’t think I enjoyed it. I think it will take a few viewings to get to enjoyable, if it ever gets there. I can see myself watching this on purpose for the tears, and because of the message in it. How sadness is not the enemy. How sadness is a necessity. As are all the emotions. Letting one rule, screws everything up, even joy.
Hugs to anyone that will hug back,
Jess