Today (and also last night after I wrote my blog) has been emotional. Everything is still going remarkably well physically, but my mental state took a huge hit.
Starting last night, I was REALLY missing Melissa. I cried for a good 20 minutes before trying to sleep. Going through something like this is hard emotionally. There’s so much time and energy devoted to ‘just gotta do this’. It wears you down even if the pain doesn’t.
I was not able to say goodnight to her, because the internet was down for 2 hours. That affected me a lot. Both her and Teresa are anchors for me. I was able to communicate with Teresa via text message, but without internet I was not able to talk to Missy.
I did not sleep well, but I did sleep. Until my alarm went off at 2:45am to get me awake for when the nurse came for my shot. Then I had more horrible sleep after that point.
Today was kinda bad overall emotionally. Being a day behind the other girls who shared a surgery date means that I’m now kind of out of step with them. The shared experience has been disrupted. When I got my blood thinner shot at 3pm, I broke down again. I hate those shots. And more, the source of all this, the blood clots I had almost 2 years ago.
Those clots have made this journey to surgery so hard. And now their making the journey through surgery just as hard. I know there’s an end to this, but right now, I am very bitter and resentful.
I managed to walk to the park again, and got a lot of sun later in the afternoon sitting outside talking with a new friend. The social aspect of being here is keeping me from sinking into any kind of depression thankfully.
Not much happened surgery wise today – tomorrow I get the reveal. And hopefully I’ll feel a bit better with less stuff packed into my groin area. The day after is the removal of the stent that is keeping the cavity open continuously since surgery.
Here’s to a better day, Saturday.