This will probably be a long post. But there are some key things that happened in this time frame.
The day after my reveal, I had my stent and catheter removed, and started dilations. This was a big day as far as how my life was going to be different from now on.
Because I was a day behind, I did not have a day of dialting WITH my catheter. I am grateful for that. 🙂 It just sounds awkward.
Getting the stent our was a relief, but getting the catheter out was pure bliss. It didn’t really hurt getting it removed, but it CAN be painful, so don’t use me as an example. It just had a bit of a burning sensation that wasn’t all that bad, and it’s over really quick.
Peeing for the first time without the catheter was, umm, interesting. More like a curtain of pee instead of stream. With all the swelling in the area, the urethra is kind of different each time I pee. Mostly it’s a water feature worthy of the Bellagio in Vegas. Yet, I had no trouble peeing at all. The weird part was retraining my brain how to start and stop the stream. Peeing yourself standing outside the shower because the sensation that used to mean you need to pee, actually now means you ARE peeing, was funny. I’m a quick learner though.
Dilating. Dilating is my life for the next while. Putting tapered cylindrical plastic objects up my vagina 4x a day for the first month for half an hour each time. I knew it was going to feel like a chore eventually (after about 4 days it starts to lose its novelty), but the first few times it was just a new sensation that I was trying to wrap my head around.
We are given 3 dialtors: #2, #3, and #4. Apparently #1 has been eliminated because it’s too small to be necessary with current surgical techniques. They each have a different colour. Blue, teal, and orange respectively. A lot of girls name them. I decided to name mine after certain Muppets. #2 is Uncle Deadly, #3 is Oscar the grouch, and #4 is Sweetums. Yes… I’m weird.
We started with #3 and #4 because the stent had just been removed, the cavity was still pretty spacious. As time goes on though, most of us drop to #2 and #3. I managed to at least do #4 every day at least once, and at least for 5 minutes.
I did have some turbulent emotions during these few days. A lot of you know that I was delayed for surgery because I had 2 blood clots 2 years ago. Montreal wanted me to see a hematologist before scheduling my surgery, and no hematologist wanted to see me for a surgery that took place out of province. It was a horrible catch 22.
When I finally did get to see a blood doctor (thanks to TransCareBC) she came up with a treatment plan recommendation and eventually (after another few months of delay) Montreal agreed to the plan. The plan was I would be on injectible blood thinners for 5 x 24hr periods and then go back on my pill at half dose for the balance of the month.
After I’d received my 11th shot (was only supposed to have 10) I tried to find out what was going on. The nurses told me Dr. Brassard had said I was to continue on the injections indefinitely. This really hit me hard. I didn’t know what was going on. Was it a miscommunication of how many days I was supposed to be on the injections? Was there some complication I was having? (of note, I’d actually bled less than ANYONE else in recovery). I was in the dark, and the nurses didn’t seem to know.
The next day I talked to one of the head nurses and we came to the understanding that I could go back on my pills, but she had emailed Dr. Brassard for confirmation as well. Later that day, she regretfully informed me that it was Dr. Brassard’s order to keep me on the injections.
I was not happy about this. I had been delayed almost a year even getting my surgery because he had wanted a recommendation from a specialist, and here he was just ignoring what that specialist had said anyway. There was NO FUCKING reason that I had been delayed. All that anxiety I had about whether I’d even get my surgery, and then when I’d ever get my surgery was ALL FOR NOTHING. He was perfectly capable of coming up with a treatment plan on his own.
I cried a lot that day. Most of the nurses thought it was because I didn’t like getting the shots. The shots actually weren’t bad.They hurt a bit, but easily bearable. Being woken up at 3am every night sucked though. Not knowing what was going sucked. Not being consulted when the plan changed sucked.
When Dr. Brassard saw me on Monday, I made all this known to him. I don’t think he fully understood exactly what I was disgruntled with. How much of a hit this was on my mental state over the last 2 years. But. He did apologize. And I accepted it.
It was easier to accept when I remembered all the good things about the date I actually got. I got to go through this with one of my absolute closest friends. I made a new friend because of the timing. It worked well with my work schedule to have surgery at this time. Things worked out.
The rest of my time at the recovery centre was pretty mundane. I went for walks in the park. Had meals with everyone – standing still because sitting was still tough. And dilated, douched, showered, bathed, iced. It’s a busy schedule.
Travel day…….. this day was the hardest of all the days. Knowing what I know now, I would have taken a pain killer before getting in the car to go to the airport. So much pain this day. Worst of all the day by far. I wasn’t smart enough to take a pain pill until we were already in the air.
Sitting has been hard for me the entire time. There was a lot of sitting this day. 30+ minute car ride to the airport, sitting in the Maple Leaf lounge at the airport, sitting on the plane for 6 hours, an hour plus drive home. Just horrible. The tramadol did really help, but it also gave me one wicked headache when it wore off. I will never take that again.
So glad to be back in my own bed where I can sleep so much better.